“You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine”..
You know the feeling when you have had the best biryani you probably had, you go home and now, all you want is to go back and have a bite again? I feel I have had a taste of the best food ever given to me in my whole life and all I want to do at the end of the day is to go have a bite of it. Sometimes, even in the morning and some in the afternoon too.
“Taste and see that the Lord is good..” (Psalm 34:8)
The pure mystery of it all was that I never asked for it. It was just a free gift, given to me in passing for nothing I had done. I never labored for it, I never lifted a finger to help and still it was just there, voluntarily given to me.
I guess I had heard of this ‘gift’ a lot of times, but never tried to know what it is. With my previous experiences, duly noted in this blog, you guys already know why I am talking like this. A lot of times after praying, I would say ‘May Your will be done’. They said I am praying to a ‘Living God’. Often, however, I would wonder if anyone really heard? Even then, the voice in my head would assure me that there is. Then there would come another calamity and *click*- ‘off’ goes my button of faith that would otherwise be cheerfully on. Again, the question of ‘Why me?’ would promptly be uttered and the sulking of a kid towards the father who snatched away something she thought was precious, would arise.
…Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”…
I don’t really don’t know when the thirst arose. The unnecessary worries of a job, some luring relationship, friends who were falling away by the minute etc. were trying to wrestle their way into the vacuum of my heart. It was a rebellious move around September 2015 that I asked/told God that if He doesn’t really want to reveal His will for me/ things I should be doing to make Him happy, then just let me live as “I” want. Co-incidently or God- incidently (a new term I’m getting used to), there was my sister’s Bible lying on the table. Grabbing it there was another challenge thrown up – “I’m only reading it for the stories, what else can you show me through this?” Let me give you an advice. Don’t challenge God(Jesus) unless you are willing for what comes next! Oh! How my life has changed since then! There was nothing that my Christian friends told me that had made me do it nor was it my own sister who was on fire for the Lord. It was some prayers probably that were being said for me or it was purely just HIS will for me. He poured into me ‘living waters’ and now I can’t stop drinking from it.
However, when you are having a ‘mountain-top’ experience like Peter had with Jesus, telling Him that you want to build a tent where you can live forever together-
“Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah” (Mathew 17v. 4).
….[But Jesus doesn’t let them stay on the mountaintop. The experience ends. Within four verses, Moses, Elijah, the bright cloud, the voice of the Father, have all faded. Now it’s just three of them with a very ordinary looking Jesus. The “experience” is over, now it’s time for real life. Jesus leads them down the mountain, down into the valley. And where does Jesus lead them? Into a situation that can only be described as hell on earth. In verses 14-ff, Jesus confronts a boy who’s been possessed by a demon and is under its bondage and destructive influence. What were James, John, and Peter thinking as that scene unfolded? They had just been to the mountaintop, and now this? Talk about jarring! Had they even had the time to process what had just happened to them on the mountain?
Why didn’t Jesus let James, John, and Peter stay on the mountaintop? For the same reason he won’t let us stay there: he needs us to be his hands and feet in the valleys, in the streets, in the spaces that aren’t awe-inspiring and wonderful. Jesus needs us to be living for/through him in normal, everyday life, with all of its drudgery, repetition, and yes, ugliness. Sure, we may be given a mountaintop experience from time-to-time (a conference, a conversation, a moment in prayer, etc.), but Jesus will never let us stay in those experiences, because those experiences are a means, not an end. They are a means through which God (re)shapes us–heart, soul, mind, and strength–so that we enter the valleys of life differently, transformed and prepared to be his hands and feet to those suffering, hurting, abandoned, forsaken, or worse, those caught in a hell on earth.] – ‘Mere Disciple’ blog, Jeff Strong
Now what? What do you do when you are back in the rut of – finding a job?approaching the societal marriageable age? Do you have friends to go back to?
I will tell you what changed this time. This time I really believed when I said “May Your will be done”. I did and believed He will lead me to places that probably was not meant to give me pleasure or let me climb the ladder but where His name was glorified. I also saw my decisions around most of the questions revolving around ‘ What do you want for me, Jesus?’ Isn’t it a great assurance to know that our God is here with us always? Even when I am writing this blog, I know He is guiding me. The prayers that flow, say-“ Lord, I’m your child. You give me what You want. You have control over me. So, you take the tension. It’s Your problem now, not mine.” One thing I have learnt to do, during the waiting period of my life is to Serve. I have also hard-learnt the lesson that it doesn’t work the same for everyone. Serving others should also be checked with whether you are doing it to make yourself feel better or whether the glory of it all, goes to Him, who gave you that opportunity. I have seen people just falling at the feet of Jesus , just asking Him through fasting and praying and God in His love still keeps it away so that You learn to depend on Him. It doesn’t mean you give up on it, but, come to Him with your broken heart, for ‘Blessed are the broken..’. If there is any one way route to survive the waiting period is to just have Jesus in the boat and let Him guide you through the storm. There may be several stops on the way, but at least He is there. What more can you ask for? Sometimes, you got to have faith and just walk on the waters towards Him. Surely the God who made the heavens and the seas can command them to keep you safe!
Well, at the end of my short waiting period, what happened can be summarized into –
Firstly, He gave me lots of friends!! I loooove them. Secondly, God gave me a job. He put me in a room with two atheists and an intern. The intern went back and again I was with these two atheists. Architects talk. Bengalis talk much more. Well-read people often use their human wisdom to under-rate things, their minds can’t understand. They shy away from questions. They cajole you to accept some things. Funnily, things that could tick me off were not ticking me off. Instead, I prayed and I still do. Astonishing to me was the way God showed me that He loves them. I don’t fully know but I do know that His love is for everyone. Not just who believe in Him but even for those who persecute Him. There is nothing I myself could have done for changing their hearts, or atleast the one who was persecuting Him the most. But as 1 Peter 3:15 says-
“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”
He did ask me about my hope. Somedays, more than once. The answers were simple. I told what Jesus did for me and is still doing. I told him that if it weren’t for God, I wouldn’t even be working here. Of course the occasional, ‘Ya right!’ smile would displace that. The Spirit nudged me to share the gospel and leave it at that. It wasn’t my job anyway, it was God’s will.
Much to my surprise after leaving that office, I asked him a few weeks later if he bothered to go through my ‘gift’ to him. I have to testify of God’s faithfulness by letting you know that he did and even confessed that he had been intrigued by Jesus since childhood and now is fascinated by Him. I praise God for that. What is impossible for man is possible for God. I hope and pray that the journey for a true seeker ends at ‘The TRUTH’. The truth of course, much as a gift it was for me, is a gift for anyone who is really seeking.
I love what God has been doing in this country and is continuing to do around the world. Even through the persecutions, the fire, Christians, who love Jesus, have to give their lives for the sake of the ‘Good News’ is mind-blowing. I’m awed how, in the duration of these last 3-4 months, away in a new city, I have met so many people testifying of their new found faith in Jesus. Some saw Him in dreams, visions, supernatural activities or some just in the Bible, like me. Everyone drinking of the ‘living waters’ and boldly on fire for God’s Word, better than people who were privileged to be called sons of God by birth. I pray that we continue to walk in faith and specially pray for these people. God tells us not to take anything with us when go out in the world except for His word.
Hebrews 4:12 says ‘For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;..’
I pray that we continuously strive to seek Him and His will in us and that the seeds planted take root and strengthen us in our journey on Earth as well as for eternity.
“What can I do but thank you
What can I do but give
My life to you
What can I do but praise you
Every day make everything I do
A hallelujah, a hallelujah